5 excellent ways to use the new Emojis while texting your friends

The first major update for the iOS 9 is here, bringing with it glitch fixes, improved stability, Live Photos and over 150 new Emojis. The preferred method of communication for those who despise the written word or just love that little poop cartoon, Emojis have been a big part of our lives since their Japanese research facility inception. Our modern hieroglyphs, these little monkeys, dancing ladies and screaming faces have helped us communicate the emotions that are sometimes beyond words—so what new stories can these fresh Emojis tell? The possibilities are endless, but here are a few suggestions.

“I’m rich, b*tch”

Purpose: For when you’re feeling like a baller.

Thanks to this new set of Emojis, when you want to express the sentiment of wealth, you no longer have to type a bunch of dollar signs and smileys like some kind of heathen. Instead, you’ve now got a mystical wind lady, a rain cloud, and a little face that is quite literally made of money. Put them all together and you’re makin’ it rain.

“I’m drunk”

Purpose: For when you’re feeling a little out of it.

Texting can be quite a challenge under the influence, and sometimes the dead x eyes Emoji just doesn’t say everything we need it to about our state of mind. Luckily, the kind folks at Apple have given us a mercilessly unblinking, single eye, which I’m fairly sure I’ve seen before in my nightmares, as well as a happy, pink unicorn and a burrito. If sent as a group, there’ll be no question that you’re on something— and hopefully your understanding friend will bring you a burrito.

“This guy is shady”

Purpose: For when you’re not quite sure about that dude..

While there’s not yet a good suspicious, one-eyebrow-raised Emoji for when you want to express that you’re not buying someone’s story, there is an Emoji in full detective gear, which is basically skepticism embodied. Combined with the strange, tiny, floating business man who clearly is up to no good and the pensive face (where did the emoji hands come from? No one told me they had hands), this emoji grouping will make everyone go “Yeah, what is that guy’s deal?

“I will kill you”

Purpose: For when you’re feeling murderous.

Concernedly, Apple has actually given us a lot of ways to express this message, innocently stored under “Objects.” The most direct combination feels like the sharply downward angled dagger, the skull and cross bones and the detailed wooden casket, but there are also new chains, crossed swords and an alarming device called “Compression” if you want to mix it up a bit. Note: Can also be used to express a hangover.

“I miss the good old days”

Purpose: For when you’re feeling nostalgic

You may wonder why Apple decided to bring images of antiquated technology like the joystick and trackball to the Emoji party, but I’m pretty sure it was for this exact purpose: to remind us of simpler times, before technology got so complicated. So the next time you’re bored of Candy Crush and miss your Sega or just feel generally tired of modernity, sit back, sigh, and text your friend a joystick, trackball and sad-looking person. Because it’s always okay to pour one out for the past.

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