Every Single Item in The Kylie Shop—Rated
In case you didn’t have enough Kylie Jenner in your life, the 19-year-old reality TV star turned beauty mogul is bringing you even more Kylie-themed items, just in time for the holidays.
On December 10th, the youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan will launch her official merchandise on a site aptly named, The Kylie Shop.
We were first treated to King Kylie’s newest money-making venture two weeks ago, when she posted photos of herself in lingerie (nipple rings in full view) to her Instagram account, simply captioning the photos, “@thekylieshop.” Way to create hype, right?
And what we originally thought was going to be an undergarment venture, turned out to be a collection of hoodies, oversized tees, snapbacks, phone cases and even a Terry Richardson-photographed calendar for all those Kylizzle fans out there.
So while we wait (im)patiently for the shop to actually launch (sue us, we’re Kylie fans too, okay?), let us take a look at every. single. item you can buy from Kylie’s shop/figure out which ones are worth your hard-earned cash below.
Kylie Kases
This is pretty much the ultimate gift for the Lip Kit fan/those of us who have tried everything to make our pouts as luscious as Kylie’s (with or without the fillers, we won’t judge). Sure it’s no Lumee, but how funny is it that the girl who pretty much made an empire by capitalizing on her shortcomings made a phone case that says “Kylie Jenner Lips”? And seriously, just think of the mirror selfies you can take, while wearing your holiday-themed Lip Kit.
Rating: As good as Kylie’s lips in her latest selfie, duh.
“I’m The Kylie You’re The Kendall” Tee
Be honest: you and your BFF have most likely chosen to spiritually embody a famous pair of sisters … and it’s most likely Kendall and Kylie (if not Gigi and Bella). Though, as some commenters note, the tee is kinda “lowkey dissing Kendall,” the shirt is still pretty kute. Just make sure your bestie won’t take offense.
Rating: As good as how we imagine Kylie + Kendall’s latest book to be … and we will leave it at that.
Kylie Underwear Set
Sorry #mycalvins, we’re all about #mykylies now.
Rating: Worth replacing your push-up bra for.
Kylie Jenner 2017 Calendar
Terry Richardson shot this, so you know it’s gonna have some of the ~raciest~ pics of Kylizzle we’ve ever seen. While the snake isn’t actually original, it’s pretty funny Ky’s posing with one, seeing as the Kardashian enemy, Taylor Swift, was referred to as a snake on several occasions this year. We only wish they had called it the Kylie Kalendar, because, you know…
Rating: As interesting as Taylor Swift’s last relationship.
Fire Hoodie
OK, this just screams The Life Of Pablo merch. Seriously, K, could you not choose something a bit different?
Rating: As lame as one Kanye West anti-Beyonce/Jay Z rant.
Kylie Hoodie
This’ll be good for a selfie or two, but unless your name is Kylie too, we don’t give it much more life than that.
Rating: As satisfying as 70 likes on said selfie.
Dad Hat
We mean, Kylie pretty much helped in bringing dad hats back in style when she wore one that said, well, Dad. This is a lot like big sister Kim Kardashian’s (remember her?) Kimoji dad hat, but we like the denim take.
Rating: ⅘ Kim K SAVAGE Kimojis.
Lips Trucker Hat
KJ also tried to make trucker hats a thing again, but sadly, wasn’t as successful. We’re considering this her final attempt.
Rating: As good as your last Von Dutch hat.
Lips Bomber
Yes you need to have another bomber jacket in your closet, and yes, it needs to have Kylie’s lip logo on the back of it. Bomb dot com.
Rating: 5/5 Bomb emojis, obv.
Kylie Pins
If you can’t justify buying another bomber, just decorate your current one with these. It’s what all the cool kids are doing now, anyway.
Rating: As pin-worthy as your Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen pins.
Kylie T-shirt
Look, obviously wearing a tee with Kylie’s face on it won’t be as effective as Kylie wearing a tee with her shirt on it, but this image is pretty damn dope.
Rating: Worth all the times you said “meta” this year.
Kylie Underwear
Kylie parts to cover your…parts. And if that’s a bit too much for you, there’s also a thong that just says “Kylie” all over it.
Rating: Kylie Jenner belfie-worthy.
Popsockets or Pins…we don’t know
We originally thought these were those button pins from the noughties that said “VOTE 4 PEDRO,” but some Instagram users suspect these are Popsockets (a.k.a. what every single person with a large smartphone needs in their lives). If they’re the former meh. If they’re the later well…
Rating: As necessary as Bambi and Norman are in Kylie Jenner’s life.
The Boyfriend Tee
No. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry, but the last thing we want is to be reminded of Kylie and Tyga’s relationship, let alone have a T-shirt with an image of her sitting topless on his lap. Jenner, love her or hate her, is a boss (hence why we’re freaking out over her merch). Tyga, on the other hand, is irresponsible with his finances (at least, according to reports) and, in turn, has dragged his girlfriend into the middle of his shenanigans. And let’s not forget, T started dating Kylie when she was underage … and purposely dropped hints alluding the fact, when Kylie herself was trying to keep things quiet. We could go on, but, again, it’s a no for us.
Rating: We doubt Tyga would spend his own money on this, so why should you?
“Like Realizing Stuff” T-Shirt
And after all the nos comes one big HELL YES. We all remember when Kylizzle infamously said, “I feel like this year is really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff” in her “2016 Resolutions” video posted on her app. And what better way to end off 2016 with a shirt that depicts the wisdom of Kylie Jenner? We need this shirt in our lives ASAP and we plan on styling it exactly how it was worn in the photo above. And taking the same photo. Because it is everything.
Rating: Just take all our money already, Kylie.
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