I Binge Ate at Jessica Biel’s New L.A. Momstaurant, Au Fudge
It’s been exactly 14 days since Jessica Biel’s restaurant, Au Fudge, opened its doors to Hollywood and it’s already becoming the mommy hot spot. Aside from the fact that there are rumours that Vogue did an upcoming shoot in Biel’s new business, the two-floor resto has already been featured in Architectural Digest (JB wore Giambattista Valli for it), has already had stop-ins from Nate Berkus and Joe Zee, experienced a slew of elated write-ups by People magazine and withstood more Goop-ish insta pics than you can shake a truffled grilled cheese stick at (they serve them with organic ketchup). Even Jezebel drank the artisanal Kool-Aid (its actually Rose lemonade) and has called the 120-seat, family-style eatery, “visionary.”
I had lunch at the place a couple of days ago and let me tell you, the hot Beverly Hills mommas were out in their finest, ordering up the champers and cobb salads. I saw their Birkins. I saw their Baby Bjorns. And was all-but blinded by all the glittery push presents shining off their well-manicured Chanel-shellacked fingernails. Yet what made my eyes do a triple take was this crazy gigantic paper maché unicorn head hanging above my table—which looked like it was crying. That poor magic horse must not have been offered the black Tuscan kale salad, deviled egglets, or almond butter and banana sandwich on the menu, which I binge-ate. Or, that moody, looming horned stallion probably had a bite of the atrocious Au Fudge turkey burger because it tasted like turpentine and dirt mixed with lime and lavender (I finished it off though). The main sell here is the bar and its centrally located and massive for a “kid-friendly” restaurant. I appreciated its extensiveness and the fact that it was filled with the hard stuff—liquor that helps you get through the high-pitched wails of an infant sans soother.
I don’t blame a parent who needs some booze to keep their nerves in check because I was feeling a touch of an anxiety just being there. When a swarm of toddler twins rushed by me like they were auditioning for an Osh Gosh B’Gosh commercial, the first thing I did was whisk myself into a stool and mulled over my top libation options. I was on the fence between a boozy Little Prince (bourbon-lemon-honey drink topped with bee pollen) or the M.I.L.F (Casamigos tequila, lime and agave) but went with both. A beautiful buzz unfolded while I headed over to the mini-arcade to play Ms. Pac-Man.
Aside from the intoxication opportunities, the charm of Au Fudge is the Martha Stewart-y décor going on outside of restaurant proper. The attached Au Fudge bakery (which sells some super pricey chocolate, cakes and doughnuts) and the playroom and workshop room both configured into the establishment give the place Justin Bieber-like purpose. The playroom has a hickory, eggshell and bluebird scheme to it, and the games are all safe to handle for kids of all ages (au pairs are for hire—$40 USD an hour). For those anti-social children who hate games, an army of hypoallergenic plush animals is tucked away for good measure. The upstairs workshop—which might double up as a gym studio because Au Fudge advertises some kind of “Parent and Me Pilates” for kids events—is just as precious. The rooms contain anything from spools of fabric for crafts to mini tambourines for music time. Cupboards are filled with “creative, artisanal sources” for all the tiny soon-to-be jewellery makers, creative directors, or next gen Etsy sellers.
As eye-rolly as some of this may sound, the place looks chic and we should fully expect the likes of Olivia Palermo to hang out here if she decides to have a child. Another surefire prediction? This chain—or something like it—will likely role out in Soho in London and NYC very soon. I’d head back just to peek into Au Fudge’s “Cosmic Landscape for Toddlers” workshop, which is guided by an MFA grad and have at the worth-every-penny $10 baked mac and cheese again.
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