SNP’s word of the day: Giftalanche

Word: Giftalanche

Meaning: The unstoppable accumulation of gifts upon gifts at Chrismukkwanzaa-time.

Usage: “Giftalanche guilt is worse than usual this year.” — a commenter on this Jezebel post about not buying stuff for Christmas

You should know it because: Are you sufficiently buried yet? How the giftalanche works is this: someone buys you something way nice, and you’re socially contracted to give back in kind. Or someone buys you a gift that you weren’t expecting, and you rush out ASAP to buy a box of sea-salted caramels. Let me give you a little gift of my own here, a gift you don’t have to, and in fact shouldn’t, repay: sometimes you can just say thanks.

Not everybody likes caramels flavoured with sea salt and obligation. A gift is a gift because it requires nothing in return. When did we forget that? And why do we assigning such obvious dollar amounts to everything? I’ve never been able to buy gifts for my best friend as lush as the ones he buys me, and he’s okay with that… I think… likewise, I don’t expect my kid sisters to reciprocate at my level of (over)indulgence.

This isn’t to say I’m not appreciative, even though it really is more fun to give stuff than to get it, at least for like one week a year. It’s just that I can tell when you saw a thing and thought of me (like when my editor here, Ms. Randi Bergman, got me the Jane Eyre movie; she knows I have a certain Fassination) versus when you thought shit, I have to give this broad something or something.

This year, my mom’s side of the family said not to buy gifts, to make them. First, I tongue-bitingly resisted telling them that sometimes, it’s actually cheaper to buy something (time is money, yo). Then I showed up with a bunch of stuff I got for free, handed it out, and told them I gave their gift money to a worthy Toronto charity instead, which wasn’t in fact a lie. It worked so well I think that’s all I wanna do next year.

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