FASHION Magazine

We open with Whitney in church–no, not a cleverly named nightclub, but an actual church! Whitney’s not there to confess, though–in fact, she wants to turn the confessionals into photo booths when Teen Vogue’s Young Hollywood party takes over the space. As she and Lisa Love discuss placing a runway down the aisle and a band on the altar, they miraculously avoid being struck down by divine lightning.

In her opening voiceover, Lauren tells us that she hasn’t spoken to Audrina since their fight in Vegas.

Teen Vogue. “How was Vegas?” Whitney asks. “Brody kissed me,” Lauren replies, smirking as she watches Whitney’s eyes widen  with familiar exaggerated astonishment. Then, aware that Lauren must receive all important, plot-advancing texts while at work, Jen Bunney takes this opportunity to message Lauren and tell her she really needs to talk.

In her opening voiceover, Lauren informs us that after last week’s Jason/Katja debacle, she needs to get away for a while, and so is flying to Vegas to surprise Brody for his birthday.

By Kate MacLennan

Fashion parties always trickle to a minimum under the August sunshine, but by the first week of September, the bulk of the style community has happily bid sayonara to its summer threads and is eagerly embarking on the important mission of building a new autumn wardrobe. So if there’s one event you don’t want to miss, it’s fall’s first fashion fête, bound to be a gawk-fest of au courant clothing, not to mention a choice opportunity to network and dish.

Outdoor café. Lauren and Jason are lunching and laughing, but as usual, the good times last about 30 seconds before Jason screws things up.

Hillside Villas. Audrina returns home after a weekend away with Justin Bobby. She tells Lauren that she and J.B. “had good talks, fooled around and were silly,” and that J.B. finally agreed to be her boyfriend. We don’t see him in this episode, though, because he’s at home recovering from his lobotomy.

Last week: Spencer dumped Brody and almost looked sad about it, and Justin Bobby swore a lot.

Teen Vogue. Boss-lady Whitney is busily typing away at her computer, while lowly underling Lauren uses a simple pencil and paper. Whitney, as usual, asks what’s been going on, and Lauren, as usual, has boy-related news: Ex-boyfriend Jason is out of rehab and back in her life. Although Lauren makes light of the fact that he only seems to show up when everything’s going great for her, she looks worried.

We open at the Hillside Villas, where Lauren and Audrina are discussing (what else?) boys. Audrina plans to give Justin Bobby yet another chance, and Lauren is gloating over the fact that Brody has forsaken Spencer’s company for hers. “My, how the tables have turned,” she grins. Our sweet little Lauren actually looks quite devilish here; I almost expected to rub her hands together with glee and let slip an adorably evil laugh.

Bolthouse. What looks like the entire staff is meeting to discuss an important soccer-related event, but first, Brent Bolthouse just has to ask Heidi what’s up with Brody and Lauren hanging out again! Since when does Heidi’s boss care about her ex-best-friend’s social life?

We open in a jewellery store. As they wait for Heidi’s ring to be resized so it will actually stay on her finger, Heidi asks Spencer if he’ll accompany her to Colorado for the weekend to meet her family. Spencer reminds her that Brody’s BBQ, which they’ve been planning for two months, is happening at the same time. Unfortunately for him, Heidi’s been perfecting her passive-aggressive pouting technique, and he quickly relents. “I’d much rather go meet your family,” he lies.

Last week: Spencer surprised Heidi with graffiti in the living room and a “high-end” engagement ring. Audrina dated a guy named Justin, whose friends inexplicably refer to him as “Bobby.”

Hillside Villas. Audrina has scheduled a date with Justin Bobby and invites Lauren along. It’s obvious Lauren’s not a huge J.B. fan, but the normally commitment-phobic Audrina’s considering making him her first real boyfriend, so she’s willing to give him a chance.  “You’re a smart girl; you know what you’re doing,” Lauren says. Audrina nods unconvincingly.

Previously on The Hills: Heidi knows what she did!

We open at an outdoor café, where Spencer and Heidi (I refuse to call them Speidi, thank you) are talking home decoration. Spencer vetoes Heidi’s suggestion of light yellow walls with an obnoxious error buzzer sound that is still preferable to 90 per cent of what comes out of his mouth.

After the opening credits, we join Lauren and Audrina at home. Audrina is doing her makeup and Lauren is torturing a poor defenseless kitten by dressing it in a tiny sweater. The girls discuss Justin, a prince of a guy who once abandoned Audrina in Vegas and who’s taking her out on a date that very evening. Lauren doesn’t like the sound of that.

Previously on The Hills, Lauren Conrad moved from Laguna Beach to Los Angeles, juggled classes at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising with an internship at Teen Vogue, and stumbled through a series of personal crises that ended with her giving the boot to best friends Heidi Montag and Jen Bunney, as well as controlling boyfriend Jason Wahler.