The Best Beauty Bits in Cat Marnell’s How To Murder Your Life

1. Beauty brands are as hard to pronounce as fashion designer names

Intern initiation: learning how to pronounce names like Biologique Recherche and Chantecaille by either a) Googling the crap out of it or b) butchering the crap out of it.

“Internships: they are full of awkward moments, and uncomfortable initiation rituals! For example: Charlotte used to leave me lists of products to “call in” for stories.

Like:
Biologique Recherche P50
Yves Saint Laurent Touche Eclat
Givenchy Le Prisme Yeux Quator–smoky?
Kérastase Bain Satin leave-in
Chantecaille blush in Emotion.” (Page 95)

But since she had to do it over the phone (the horror) rather than email, it resulted in teachable moments like how to properly pronounce Touche Éclat. (Which, by the way, is neither tush-aye-clat or touchy clat, but toosh-ee-clah).

(Pictured above: Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat)

2. Fragrance launches can be a grand affair

Beauty editors go on all sorts of fancy and often-glamourous press trips, and fragrance launches are at the top of the press trip totem pole. Marnell’s first press trip for Glamour was to Memphis, Tennessee for Ralph Lauren and another was to Italy—both Rome and Milan—for Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana while she was at Lucky.

“I’d been at Glamour for over a year when I got to go on my first press trip for the magazine. It was with Ralph Lauren fragrances, which was owned by the L’Oréal Group (who also owned Lancôme, Shu Uemura, Kiehl’s, and more). They were flying beauty editors via private jet to Memphis for a day to tour Sun Studios, the “birthplace of rock ‘n’ roll”—where Johnny Cash recorded back in the day—and Elvis’s home, Graceland. And this was to celebrate the launch of a perfume called Ralph Rocks. Get it? No one on staff Glamour could go—but Ralph was such a big advertiser, someone had to. That’s when Felicia and Mary called on me.” (Page 120)

(Pictured above: the scene from the Gucci fragrance launch that happened earlier this week in NYC)

3. Beauty editors have very specific favourite products

The sheer amount of products that arrive daily is high. But (most) beauty editors aren’t greedy creatures and will only keep a few favourites. That’s because seasoned ones like what they like and they all like Terry Baume de Rose, the Veuve of lip balms that can be found on almost every top shelf featured on on Into the Gloss.

“It was my responsibility to open the dozens of bag that arrived for Felicia every day and place the products—neatly—on that very midget sofa. She’d keep what interested her (not much–maybe a By Terry Baume de Rose here and there) and dump the rest into plastic bins outside of her office. I would haul that stuff into the beauty closet and file it away.”

(Pictured above: By Terry Baume de Rose)

4. Dewy skin is always in

Beauty editors love dewy skin (the kind that always looks good on the runway but not always IRL, especially where persnickety, oily skin is concerned). Her then-editor at Lucky, Jean Godfrey-June loved dewy skin, according to Marnell. Because it’s true, who wants to look matte anyway?

“No one uses pressed powder!” Jean would sweep the whole lot of them off the desk into a shopping bag. The ultimate antidewifying product rarely made it onto the pages of Lucky. “No one wants matte skin. Everyone wants to be dewy! Youthful! Dewy dewy dewy!” (Page 132)

5. Beauty editors have desks covered in bags full of product

And if it’s ever clean, rest assured that it took a lot of effort to get it to look that way. And it usually doesn’t stay that way for long. Case in point below as Marnell describes her everyday desk situation.

“I loved my desk, which was messy with Davines NouNou deep conditioners and MAC Cosmetics black eye shadows and Clean perfumes and press releases in chic Viktor & Rolf folders and little Kid Robot toys and dangly St. Mark’s Place earrings I was always taking out midafternoon when my lobes starting feeling all throbby. The floor was piled up with black NARS bags and white Olay bags and brown-and-gold Gucci bags and white Fresh bags and hot-pink Alison Brod PR bangs and bags and bags and bags and bags full of lipsticks, eye shadows, and perfumes. Did I mention that there were bags?” (Page 128)

(Pictured above: Clean Eau du Parfum)

6. Don’t take beauty services for granted

Haircuts, manicures, laser appointments—they’re expensive. As a beauty editor, Marnell had them all comped. Here, she describes the kind of access she had to the best beauty services in New York.

“I was hounded by publicists wanting me to try their clients’ beauty services. Everything was free. Comped! I didn’t even pay my own tips—I put them in my expense reports! ‘Salon gratuity: $100.’ I got my eyebrows tinted and waxed every month by Maral Balian—she’s incredible; she’ll change your face, and she also does the Diandra Douglas, ex-wife of Michael—at the Warren-Tricomi Salon, which was past the Eloise portrait and up the stairs in the Plaza Hotel. And I got my bikini area lasered gratis at Completely Bare.” (Page 135)

7. Beauty products can be dangerous

Or they can be perceived as such, anyway. When Marnell goes to check into rehab, her beauty products are immediately confiscated. She explains:

“Then she went through my luggage. Talk about a beauty edit! This lady was more ruthless than Jean Godfrey-June! Giorgio Armani bronzer? Out! I could shatter the mirror and shank someone right in the spleen. Clinique Clarifying Lotion? Out! A desperado like me could pour that shit over ice and make toner cocktails. Everything containing alcohol had to go.” (Page 168)

(Pictured above: Clinique Clarifying Lotion)