What it means to be transgender: Start the conversation with this tipsheet in hand

When Kim Kardashian “broke the internet” flaunting her bare bum on the cover of Paper magazine back in December, she likely had no idea that her stepfather, Bruce Jenner, was about to outshine even her. This past Friday, the former Olympic champion turned reality star sat down with ABC’s Diane Sawyer for the reveal heard around the world: Yes, he is in transition. At 65, Jenner is finally living his truth, while teaching us not to judge a book by its cover.

For two hours, Jenner told his story, answering questions about what it means to be transgender. Is he gay? Will he undergo surgery? At times, the interview seemed endless—is it really that confusing? Maybe so.

While Jenner’s bravery accompanies others who have spoken out—Orange Is the New Black’s Laverne Cox was the first transgender woman to be nominated for an Emmy, and the Amazon studio series Transparent follows Mort’s transition to Maura—there’s still so much to learn. Here, we provide a tip sheet to help answer some common questions.

What’s the difference between the terms “transgender” and “transsexual”?

“Transsexual tends to focus on the body, while transgender focuses on gender identity,” says Steven Little, manager of education and training at Toronto’s The 519 Community Centre on Church Street. (Little identifies as cisgender, which is defined as someone whose gender assigned at birth matches their self-identification, in other words a person who is assigned at birth as a boy and feels like a boy/man throughout life.)

The word “transsexual” can connote that one has undergone surgery (a focus on the sexual organs), whereas transgender tends to mean that one’s self-identification doesn’t match their assigned gender. For that reason, Little and his team advise using the more contemporary term “trans,” referring to someone as a trans woman or a trans man (keep in mind that some people are “gender fluid,” so in this case “trans” might not be appropriate). Of course, your best bet is always to check with the individual to see what he/she/they prefer.

This brings us to pronouns: How do we know what to use?

You might have seen that Bruce is continuing to use “he” as well as his masculine name until he further transitions. While Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s child, who was named Shiloh at birth but wants to be called John, will be referred to as the gender-neutral “they.” But that’s not the case for everyone. “We always check in,” says Little. “I’ve made a personal effort to see where I make genderized references. Why do I even need to use ‘she’ in an email? I often use the term ‘they’ to avoid making assumptions.”

Are gender identity and sexual orientation the same thing?

When Sawyer asked Bruce if he would consider himself a lesbian after he transitioned, he stared in disbelief, stating that comparing gender identity and sexual orientation is like apples and oranges. Sure, it can get confusing when you think in terms of our traditional definitions of couples, but sexuality is an entirely separate issue—just because someone transitions to a woman, for instance, doesn’t mean her attraction will change to a different sex. Jasmeen, an education and training facilitator at The 519, says to “think of yourself in it,” when attempting to understand. “You have your gender identity and your orientation, right? We have our own identity and orientation, too.”

What does transitioning entail?

One of the most common misconceptions about this is that you have to undergo surgery—not so. “A transition can be as simple as a name change or a change of pronouns, a clothing change or a way of expressing yourself that’s more true to you,” says Luke, also an education and training facilitator at The 519. “It could include surgery, it could include hormones….” Whether or not one has surgery is a multi-faceted issue as well, with reasons ranging from emotional to safety to financial. “Don’t make the assumption that someone either wants surgery or doesn’t. It’s really personal, and you don’t typically ask someone about their genitals,” says Luke.

Etiquette tips

“Never make assumptions,” says Yasmeen. “If you hear someone’s voice over the phone or [assess them] physically. Even looking at Bruce Jenner, people are like, ‘What?’ Some people are unable to put the two together. It’s not about the physical.”

For more information, visit the519.org.

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