FASHION Magazine

The last we saw of Sook and the gang, Pam had just been given a case of The Rots from Marnie, Sookie had fended off Bill’s desire to search her house for Eric, and Jason had been given wrist-to-mouth by Jessica.

Family Ties
-Last week, Joe Lee cut short Tommy’s mama-son bonding session by wrapping a chain around his neck, and now we pick up with him viciously beating Tommy until he passes out—or pretends to.
-Tommy’s trick works, but by the time the dust settles he’s murdered Joe Lee and accidently given his furious mama a hard enough whack to kill her.
-He goes crying to Sam, and the two take off with the bodies in the back of the kind of van your parents always warned you to avoid.
-The pedo van raises Sheriff Bellefleur’s V-enhanced suspicions, and he pulls Sam over and demands to see what’s in the back. He gets a surprise when an alligator (aka a quick-thinking shifted Tommy) snaps out at him and he lets Sam go. Tommy, proudly: “I didn’t kill him.” Sam, dryly: “And Jesus wept.”
-They ditch the bodies in the swamp and have a heart-to-heart: Sam assures Tommy he isn’t going to hell, and admits he’s killed before too. Brothers who sink bodies together stay together—let’s hope, since they’re all each other has now.

Last week on The Young and the Undead: blank-slate Eric drained Claudine in Sook’s front yard; the three musketeers of Tara, Jesus and Lafayette had been given an ultimatum by Pam to bring her Marnie to reverse the spell she’d put on Eric or they’d have her fangs to contend with; and a festering-wound addled Jason was getting gang raped on a dirty cot by the baby-challenged lady-panthers of Hot Shot.

The After Party
– We hit the ground running from the last episode, with Sookie’s mouth hanging open over Eric killing her faery godmother Claudine.
– Eric passes out woozy like Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles, before stumbling over to Sookie, punch-drunk on faerie blood, he wants some more. She freaks and he professes he’d never harm her (aww).
– We’re sure this is a first for Sookie, but probably a pretty common occurrence for most Bon Temps ladies: Work a full day, find your man in his sweats drunk and acting a fool in the front yard.
– Sookie orders Eric to get in the house, but first he pinches her butt playfully and wants her to chase him. She’s not amused, but we are. He doesn’t care that it’s almost dawn and runs off into the woods.

When we left Bon Temps last week, Sookie was having an awkward chat about her faerie body odor with a disoriented Eric. The Viking Vamp had just had a spell cast on him by Marnie, the witch he’d tried to drain to put a stop to her designs on dead-raising—not something the undead want people getting control over. Jason was tied to a bed in Hot Shot getting each of his 12 perfectly defined abs bitten by Crystal and Felton.

Dazed and Confused?
-Sookie, confused about Eric’s state, tries to talk sense into him and then drives off just to do the classic horror-movie pause and look back. Of course he’s right there at her window and pounces on her neck. Logic takes a vacation, and she runs into the forest.
-Sookie punches Eric to get his attention, and he calls her Snooki. What? Well, she does love to tan.
-He does know what he is (a vampire) just not who he is (a pompous babe).
-Sookie agrees to help him out of his oblivion and gives him ground rules for going back to her/his place—no touching, no biting. We seriously resent her for not including, “Never put a shirt on ever again.”
-She calls Pam, who is sucking on a grown up Val from our favourite tween movie, Brink!, while still wearing the one-shouldered disco ball from last week, and she rushes over faster than a speeding bullet (of lipstick).

When we left off last week, we’d been quickly caught up on what had been happening in Bon Temps while Sookie took her Fae sabbatical. Now that the fairy dust has settled, we start to see what this season will be about: Jason’s new animal urges, Eric and Sookie playing house, and a woo-ooh, witchy woman, who’s got the moon in her eyes.

Somebody’s Baby Tonight
-Eric and Sookie continue their not-yet-lovers quarrel about Eric’s landlord status—he asks nicely for her to be his so he can protect her, but she’s not biting and neither is he for now.
-Sookie heads to Bill’s to appeal to him for help and learns about his new royal rank from his guards.
-She interrupts Bill and Katerina, the sexed up spy-witch, finishing up from some post debriefing de-briefing. By this we mean that they were doing the deed, which makes it the second between-the-sheets scene for the season. Check!
-Bill is kind of noncommittal about helping Sookie and basically tells her to move on and move out. Out with the henleys, in with the ‘tude?

Sookie’s guide to what to wear to ask your ex for a favour
A chambray dress and mustard yellow cardie say: “I don’t want to seduce you, but you better still think I’m cute.” ($177, shopbop.com)

Welcome to the first of our True Blood recaps. Each week we’ll be checking in on our favourite telepathic barmaid, and the hot vampires, werewolves, shifters, faeries, and backwoods miscreants that make up her little corner of Louisiana. Important fashion lessons and questions will be explored from what spring collections will the fae be snapping up to how many low-cut tank top and leather-jacket combos can one Viking own?

Where we left off last season:
-After Eric—who should really launch his own cement effect hair product—reveals Bill’s betrayal to Sookie, she tells them both to drop dead-er.
-After a good cry in the cemetery in a demure blue sundress (very Christopher Kane Spring 2010, don’t you think?) Sookie followed Claudine—who’s always in her uniform blush-toned gown and romantic tendrils—into the faerie light.
-Bill, on a mission to keep Sookie safe, puts on his best Eric Northman leather perfecto to have a Crouching Tiger fight to the death with the Queen of Louisiana (the always stunningly-wardrobed Evan Rachel Wood)—we hope that her feathered cap and Victorian mourning suit survive, at the very least.

If you found the dresses at the Emmys to be a snooze, please direct your complaints to Joan Rivers. WWD‘s Bridget Foley pins our red carpet ennui on the um…style expert(?) for a parade of column dresses and strapless ballgowns that can all be described as “lovely, pretty, accessible,” all four-letter words to a fashion lover. (Can’t you just hear Nina Garcia spitting out the word “safe”?) According to Foley, it all started with with Nicole Kidman’s Dior dress at the 1997 Oscars:

January Jones took the biggest fashion dare on last night’s Emmy Awards red carpet. We went back and forth on her blue Atelier Versace–at first glance, we felt an initial and resounding “no,” to the short front and long train, but in light of all the navy and black and white column gowns, we’ve warmed […]

The post Red carpet roundup: The best and worst of the Emmy Awards appeared first on FASHION Magazine.